one freaking year has passed

and im still dreading to start that shit make up and hairdo with the uniform to work. sucks like shit shit SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

for example, today i gotta be at airport at the evening, i will not step out of my home from the moment i wake up till the moment i have to start preparing for work... so freaking emo u know.. haha i sound like some psycho kid... but its seriously horrible... i hate putting on that clown-like smile.. smiling from one end to the other.. or sometimes i will give that god damn sarcastic smile by showing my teeth.. wahahha!!! WTF!!!!! and when i smile like that.. just try doing it.. its like showing the dentist ur teeth... mr. dentist asks you to smileeee......... GRIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and den i will start laughing to myself for being such a cb fake person. i hate it.. but what can i do about it... i chose this path... i like the money... so i only can tell myself everytime before i start to leave home... its the money im up for.. nothing else...