12:12am
My very first time being alone in a hotel room. I fear loneliness. When I first arrived Manchester, checked in my room, I broke into tears, I couldn't believe this was happening. I doubt one would understand this feeling; Loneliness. Started to think of all the people closest to me... I couldn't help but kept crying. I didn't know who to turn to. I resorted to texting my mum, telling her how lonely i felt.
This job is really all about being independent. Never once I have faced my greatest fear. In a way, it makes me stronger to face the truth of having to overcome my fear. I wanted this job so badly, and what I did? To cry. My handphone was my next best friend. I started reading all the text messages my family and friends that I have kept. This is so emotional... but I guess, this is just the beginning of my career, a newbie in this profession. Being alone won't be uncomfortable to me soon. I have to overcome this. I have no choice.
Right now, I am missing my boyfriend so badly. I wish I had not chosen this job. But again, its my dream. Sometimes, I don't understand myself. On one hand, I wanna fufill my dream, one the other, I can't get used to the lifestyle of this job. I need to talk to someone. Can you imagine, each time I see my boyfriend I go to him with tears? I don't think that is very healthy. I only get to see him twice a week or sometimes even once. Cry to him, because I can't bear to see him go. I need him. I need him.... I need him to tell me that he will be there for me.. But there again, if I have not chosen this job......i cant complete this sentence
I wish to share this with my mum, but she has much more things to worry about. Friends, I would love to, but I don't know what is holding me back. I can't believe I'm typing while crying. I feel lost. I feel so lonely. I feel so so lonely. Probably after a few months I will be more positive. I have to let go the feeling of being homesick, my fear and my loved ones. I wish I have someone to lean on to dry my tears. Oh my god. I'm not trying to make myself feel horrible, but this feeling sucks. I only can blame myself for not being strong enough for this job.
Soon, I have to learn to be independent.
This job is really all about being independent. Never once I have faced my greatest fear. In a way, it makes me stronger to face the truth of having to overcome my fear. I wanted this job so badly, and what I did? To cry. My handphone was my next best friend. I started reading all the text messages my family and friends that I have kept. This is so emotional... but I guess, this is just the beginning of my career, a newbie in this profession. Being alone won't be uncomfortable to me soon. I have to overcome this. I have no choice.
Right now, I am missing my boyfriend so badly. I wish I had not chosen this job. But again, its my dream. Sometimes, I don't understand myself. On one hand, I wanna fufill my dream, one the other, I can't get used to the lifestyle of this job. I need to talk to someone. Can you imagine, each time I see my boyfriend I go to him with tears? I don't think that is very healthy. I only get to see him twice a week or sometimes even once. Cry to him, because I can't bear to see him go. I need him. I need him.... I need him to tell me that he will be there for me.. But there again, if I have not chosen this job......i cant complete this sentence
I wish to share this with my mum, but she has much more things to worry about. Friends, I would love to, but I don't know what is holding me back. I can't believe I'm typing while crying. I feel lost. I feel so lonely. I feel so so lonely. Probably after a few months I will be more positive. I have to let go the feeling of being homesick, my fear and my loved ones. I wish I have someone to lean on to dry my tears. Oh my god. I'm not trying to make myself feel horrible, but this feeling sucks. I only can blame myself for not being strong enough for this job.
Soon, I have to learn to be independent.
posted by melsy at
9:21 AM
1 Comments
